Neuroscience research is showing us that it’s never too late to have a healthy childhood—because the nervous system can self-modify if we follow the practices outlined in this book. We can all learn to feel safe and secure—even if we have never felt this with a partner. Understanding how attachment works in childhood gives us the recipe for healing our attachment wounds and feeling safe with one another. So even though we had less-than-ideal parenting, we can now repair our attachment circuitry as adults. We can reprogram our nervous systems and operate securely with each other. Five-Minute Relationship Repair rejects the popular notion that two people must be healed and whole in order to enjoy the fruits of lasting love. Instead, this approach shows how partners can use a relationship to become healed and whole…together. This book is a complete self-guided course for relationship healing and enrichment. Ifm you use the Real Intimacy tools and do the exercises suggested here, you will learn how to help each other overcome unconscious patterns that cause you to get triggered and then over-react, withdraw, orm shut down. Instead of going on automatic and triggering one another, partners learn how to communicate authentically and vulnerably when discussing sensitive issues. They learn to be open and curious about the unhealed wounds that intimacy tends to bring up, instead of being defensive or blaming. The result is a deep and consistent feeling of mutual respect and shared happiness. Single people can also benefit from using these tools. All the processes in this do-it-yourself manual include adaptations for singles, as well as for situations where your partner is not available to do the exercises with you When you learn and practice the communication skills in this book, you will discover a sense of safety and trust that cannot be shaken by the normal ups and downs of daily life. You will engage in what scientists who study relationships and emotional bonding call secure attachment. You will learn how to see yourself and your partner fresh and new in each moment, rather than living from your stories and stereotypes about one another.
Praise for Five-Minute Relationship Repair
“This wise and practical book brilliantly addresses the core issues that need attention in order for couples and individuals to create deeply fulfilling relationships. Through vivid examples, incisive commentary, and helpful exercises, the authors take us on a journey that leads toward a richer understanding of ourselves and others. Incorporating attachment theory and the latest discoveries in neuroscience, this book offers an astonishingly clear path toward the love and intimacy we long for.” — John Amodeo, PhD, author of Dancing with Fire
“This book, written for both singles and couples, shows us how to ap- proach differences with openhearted listening and vulnerable truth- telling. It presents a step-by-step process for using any relationship conflict as a doorway to deeper intimacy and expanded awareness. It is readable and entertaining as well as extremely practical. Readers are given worksheets that teach them exactly what to say and do when someone gets emotionally triggered or reactive. If you read and work with the practices offered here, you have everything you need to create a secure, lasting bond with your partner.”— Jack Canfield, coauthor of The Success PrinciplesTM and Chicken Soup for the Couple’s Soul
“Five Minute Relationship Repair should be of help to anyone wishing to repair an ailing relationship. Using the case of a typical couple in trouble as their starting point, John Grey and Susan Campbell walk you through a sequential set of techniques based on neuroscience and attachment theory. With decades of experience behind them, Grey and Campbell are highly intelligent, creative forces in the field of science and relationships. Their work here is inventive, inspiring, and well worth the read. — Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, author of Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and Love and War in Intimate Relationships